These are emotions, feelings. At least, that's what I'd like to believe they are. Or maybe it's at most? I always have trouble quantifying things, and this heart's so outdated I use an abacus. Thousands hundreds tens, and beads that are too fucking heavy to move with just two hands.

I'd like to think that these are feelings, but it's hard to tell loneliness from reality. Desperation. In every single gasp of breath as I swim to land that never gets closer. Salt filling lungs, drying out the backs of throats, not now, not when I've found someone to share words with so easily, so that I can break this abacus over wooden boards and really make something human of myself, of me.

So maybe we won't need to use sign language during late night phone calls. Why use hands when your lips can tell me so much more?

Or maybe loneliness is just another symptom.